My dating habits are similar to those of Taylor Swift...

I’ve come to realize lately that I, in fact, know nothing about dating and anyone who reads this blog should most definitely not take any advice from me on how to do so successfully. I do, however, have a pretty good idea of what not to do at this point, so feel free to take notes on that.

That being said, here is my latest rant, ill-advised advice column, “dating” story for your enjoyment. Oh, how nice I am to lay my heart out and all it’s embarrassingly horrific memories for your entertainment. This is why Taylor Swift gets Grammys. I get nothing.

I am feeling more than ever like T-swift these days, and I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. Her latest album pretty much describes every dating situation I get myself into. Luckily for T-Swift, she can turn it into a million dollar CD; I however turn it into dating complexes. Mine’s funnier though, so I’ve got that. Most recently, I’ve rediscovered the joy of being rebounded by a friend. What a great feeling that is; I wonder why I have very carefully avoided these situations for so long. Oh yes, because it fucking sucks. I made a rule about six years ago to never go out with or get involved with anyone (especially a friend) who has recently ended a relationship. Past experience tells me that said friend will use you to get over their ex and make them feel better, and then casually dismiss anything you thought you might have had. It’s really a lot of fun – insert eye roll here.

Well, silly me, I recently broke this rule for the exception. You know, the one who is wearing a sign that says, “I will rebound you” but is cleverly hidden by another sign saying, “I’m totally over my ex, this is so much more than just sex”. That cover sign is a lie. That should be a give in, though, to never rebound your friends. Why do guys seem to have such a hard time with that concept? To be fair, girls can have just as hard a time not crossing that barrier. Just remember, ladies and gents, if there is a possibility of you being a completely shitty person or even kind of a shitty person, leave your friends alone. Find someone who isn’t going to lose years of friendship by you being just a tad bit selfish or, you know, really shitty.

And while we’re on the subject, we should all be up front about what we want. I appreciate a guy who tells me from the start that he’s just looking to sleep with me much more than a guy who makes me think he likes me, or wants something more with me. But, in the end, no matter how shitty that person may have been, I believe it’s all for the better. Trust me, even if it doesn’t seem like it, better things will come. That person was not for you, thank God, because they were kind of shitty, right? Just be glad you dodged a bullet because someone much better, your knight with a shining Sword, the girl of your dreams, is right around the corner, if you just let go of the shitty people in your past. Don’t carry that shit around with you; it drags you down and gets you no where.

"So hey, let's be friends. I'm dying to see how this one ends. Grab your passport and my hand; I can make the bad guys good for a weekend." - Taylor Swift, Blank Spaces. AKA, my love life in a nutshell.