My little blog has always been funny, sarcastic and lighthearted. It is cleverly titled the Unromantic Comedy because I believe my story is exactly that: it follows some of the general rules of a typical romantic comedy but without all the fireworks, romance, and good endings. And for those of you who watch the ever popular RomCom, you know that there is always a breaking point for the heroine. Whether she is rejected by a guy or the one she loves does something wrong, the movie always takes a minute to be serious and convey somewhat realistic emotions in between all the romantic bullshit. In my story, this is that minute.
This open letter is addressed to each and every guy who has come in and out of my life, whether it was brief, meaningless, unsubstantial or even a forgotten memory on his part; because I have not forgotten, and I’d like them all to know exactly why.
Because of the boyfriend who broke up with me because he didn’t love me anymore, twice, I don’t believe in forever, in solid relationships or that anything is truly lasting; not for me, anyways. I live with the constant thought that the man I’m with will change his mind in a minute and walk away. To all the men who tried to talk their way into screwing me, screw you. You make girls like me think we are not worthy of love and relationships but only of sex. You give us a complex that makes us think men only want to get into our pants and that they couldn’t possibly want anything more. And when you did talk your way into it, and decided you didn’t need to see me again, thank you. Thank you – ever so sarcastically – for letting me disconnect the sex from feelings, even when I didn’t want to. Thank you for giving me the constant thought that when I do sleep with the guy I like, he will walk away and no longer be interested in me. To the guys who stop talking to me when I won’t sleep with them and who stop talking to me when I do sleep them, get your shit together. If karma is on my side, you will get erectile dysfunction when you’re in your prime; if you’ve already peaked – which I’m sure most of you have – I still hope you get it.
To all the men who never returned my messages because you were finished dating me and didn’t think I deserved the courtesy of simple text, thank you for making me cold. I cannot accept that someone may be interested in me because when I don’t hear from them I think of you; I think of everyone I’ve ever dated who turned away without a goodbye and I will always assume they are doing the same. To all of you who have turned me into someone I don’t always like and who have deepened every insecurity I’ve ever had, I have one thing to say: you have made sure I will never have a normal relationship. I will never assume he likes me, and I will never understand the attraction. I will always have my guard up because my heart is cold and cannot take another hit; I will always ruin potential relationships with my insecurities, because men can’t possibly understand them, and I don’t blame them for that.
And to all the good guys, the ones I couldn’t find a connection with because you were too nice and seemingly perfect and I am apparently destined for the bad road of men, I’m sorry. You deserve all of someone and without the connection, even when in theory you are perfect for me, you would only ever get part of me and that’s not fair. When the only thing you ever did was develop feelings for me and I couldn’t return them, I’m sorry. I hope I am never one of the women who hurt you in the ways I’ve described.
I spent four years telling myself I didn’t need love and that the world would still turn if I was alone. As of recent I decided that it’s ok if I want someone to love me, and that it’s normal. But, as I’ve realized, I’m not really sure that’s possible. I can’t have feelings for someone without feelings of fear and sadness overwhelming me. I can’t believe that someone would want to be with me and I pull away, or I push too hard. My guard is and always will be up, and thanks to you, to all the men I’ve mentioned in this letter, I’m not sure it will ever come down long enough to let someone in.
To all the men who do this to women, who tear them down and never stick around to see if they can be built back up, who selfishly never put her feelings before your urges, who think it’s ok to screw with her feelings because you don’t care about her, I hope you read this letter. I hope you see what you are doing to the girl who can’t walk away from you or who still believes you will call her back. I hope you know that when you convince her to sleep with you and never see her again, you are building her insecurities and ruining the notion of romantic sex. And I hope you know that when you fall in love with a women and she pulls away, and she’s broken and can’t trust you, it’s because of you. It’s because she’s been torn down by men like you who never cared.
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