The one post I wish men would read.

A good friend of mine recently told me I was jaded and cynical, but in a sarcastically unexposed kind of way (see what she did there). And as much as I don’t want to be jaded or cynical, I realized that I probably am. But that’s ok, because luckily for me and everyone reading this blog, cynicism fuels my sarcasm. And what am I if not sarcastic? But I can’t take all the credit for this; I am jaded and cynical because of all the great guys who have come in and out of my life. And as I’ve been thinking about my history with men lately, it’s come to my attention that a lot of them had a hand in making me this way, and if not sarcastic, I am appreciative. So I thought I’d take the time to thank each one of them (anonymously, of course) for helping create my sarcastic and cynical personality. *names have been changed for anonymity should one of them stumble upon this little blog of mine*

Let’s start with John, the two sided personality I dated who trashed me to his friends after we broke up.

Rule #1: Never trash a girl you dated to mutual friends, especially if you’re going to say you dated her out of convenience.

There was Sean, a nice guy but a repeat offender on this list.

Rule #2: Never kiss a girl right before you tell her you don’t like her.  

Recently there was Fred; he didn’t really do anything wrong, but he did lead me on and for that, he earns himself a spot on the list.

Rule #3: Never lead a girl on to make yourself feel better. Never lead a girl on anyway. If I have the balls to tell someone I don’t like them, so should you. Man up.

Let’s go to Dion Phaneuf next. Again, he didn’t really do much wrong, but like Fred, doesn’t handle things well.

Rule #4: Never stop talking to a girl after you take her on a date and kiss her at the end. It’s cowardly and makes you an ass (especially if that wasn’t the first date).

There was Jay from a few years ago…

Rule #5: Never ask a girl out if you’re “still technically married.”

We all remember Tom…

Rule#6: Read my second blog post and never do any of that stuff. Ever.

And without calling out anyone in particular

Rule#7: If you’re going to say anything to a girl when you’re drunk, make sure as hell you can stand by it when you’re sober, good or bad.

Rule#8: And last, never use a girls feelings for you against her. Chances are, you’re not that special and if she found you special enough to feel something for you, don’t throw it back at her as if it’s a bad thing. That’s how you make us insecure and afraid of our own emotions.

Don’t ask women what we want, ask us what we don’t want; that matters more and the list shorter. And lesbihonest girls, we never really know what exactly we want, anyway. Since I don’t believe it’s classy to go around telling off everyone I want to, this rant was my way of calling out every guy who has pissed me off enough to make me want to. And thanks to them, I was able to come up with a few good rules of what you should never do to a girl, especially one who likes to write (*wink*). So once again, thank you guys, for making me the jaded, cynical, sarcastic and sometimes funny person I am and giving me so much material for this blog. While Ryan Gosling's sweater may be made out of boyfriend material, a lot of guys certainly are not.