Remember when I said I’d sworn off dating for the moment? Yeah, there’s a reason for that. I thought for my second post I could take the opportunity to not only laugh at myself , but to let everyone else laugh at me for a minute. I’ve recently had the worst date I hope to ever have in my life. I went into the date unsure if I was going to like him or not, and I walked away literally hating him. If you leave a date hating the person you went out with, I think you get to skip the typical break up lines like “it’s not you, it’s me”. Trust me, it wasn’t me. The only trouble with turning down a narcissistic asshole is doing it in a way that won’t provoke his rage issues (he had a lot of them). I’m going to change his name, because he is a real person; let’s call him Tom.
I started flirting with Tom because he was cute, he had a nice beard, and he was really nice to me. I won’t mention where I met him, it’s not important. I was excited when he asked for my number and then asked me out. Well, he first asked me to go to his house for our first date which was not happening. My dad is a police officer and I’m suspicious of everyone, but he reassured me over dinner that “his mom is always home” so no need to worry…. He’s nine years older than me, did I mention that? Anyway, he took me a foreign restaurant, where I didn’t actually eat anything because I am far from adventurous with food. The date started great; I ordered jumbo shrimp (which turned out to be a prawn) and he generously helped me with it by prying it open with his hands. And then he started what was to become a three hour long rant as I sat there with a blank stare on my face. I walked in wearing a NY Giants toque, a Michael Kors bag and Uggs. One of the first topics of one-sided discussion was how it’s stupid when people buy things for the brand and how he thinks football players are actually stupid and not that talented. He also said it’s stupid when fans are loyal to a not so great sports team like the Leafs (have you heard of the NY Giants, sir? They were shit this year, I’m still loyal). He told me that he was gifted and hated talking to stupid people (ergo the narcissist). But even with all the ranting about stupid things and bad driving and sports, that wasn’t the worst part. Not only did he have somewhat of a criminal history (you know my dad’s a cop, right Tom?) but he also happens to be a closet racist. Unless you met me on a racist dating site, you absolutely cannot drop a racial slur on a first date, or any date. Especially when you say you f**king hate them (he dropped the N-word in place of them).
So there you have it, the worst date I’ve ever been on in my life. Trust me, I wish I was making some of this up; even I’m not that creative. And if any men are reading this right now, just a bit of advice, take notice of what your date is wearing and try to avoid racial slurs at all costs. Now you hopefully have a bit more perspective on my life, and why I feel I can rant about men on the internet. I’ve dated plenty, and let me tell you, all the fish in the sea are not worth catching
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