If you are an overly nice person or just someone who has trouble thinking up believable lies on fly, then chances are you have run into the problem of “can I have your number?” and “well I can’t think of a reason why not!” The crafty ways of saying no, or the anti-pickup lines as they are sometimes referred to, were invented for just these situations! So fret no more, my socially awkward, too nice, or just honest friends; yes, it is ok to turn someone down simply because you want to, and yes, there are some clever yet polite ways of doing this. Through my adventures in the maze that is the male population, I have come up with a few crafty ways of turning someone down without them actually knowing it at the time. This may seem sneaky, and it is; however, no one wants to be the bad guy face to face. We’d all much rather walk away knowing they will think you are nice for about 4-7 days until they realize you blew them off. And by then, they’ll be long gone and out of your life forever (hopefully; this shit isn’t fool proof).
The Boyfriend Lie – This seems like a pretty airtight excuse out of the pickup zone, right? Nope. Sometimes, you’re going to have to think up more lies, and think them up quick. (I typed this with the typical deep guy douche bag voice; you should read it that way)
Guy: So uh, I should get your number.
Me: I don’t think my boyfriend will like that too much! (See, pro airtight excuse)
Guy: Oh, no. Where does he live? (A follow up question, really? But he’s fictitious…)
Me: Uhm, in the North end! (Nailed it.)
Guy: Oh, you still got room to play around then eh? Pervy wink.
Me: Haha.. haha… noooo.
Kick it old school with an email – Sometimes I have a hard time making up a fake phone number. So recently, I got real crafty and when the weird guy at my coffee shop who interrupted my conversation about hockey to talk about basketball said “we should keep in touch” as he pulled out his 4 year old blackberry, I looked around awkwardly before saying sure, I’ll give you my email. Oh he emailed e alright, but he can’t stalk me through hotmail!
I’m a lesbian – This one, also not always foolproof friends. I recently tried to use this at the bar when a 35 year old tried to stick his tongue down my throat. I’m little, and when someone a foot taller than you grabs your face to kiss you from behind –that sounds a bit rapey; I was not harmed during this face attack folks, but I appreciate your concern –he’s going to get what he wants, temporarily. “I’m a lesbian! This is my girlfriend!” Points to BFF. And when that surprisingly doesn’t work, and he says “the way you kissed me, no way you’re a lesbian” and leans in for another, well that’s when your best friend should start hitting him on the head until he gets the point, like mine did.
Avoidance – If by chance you are drunk when being asked for your number –this totally never happens to me.. –and you can’t think of one of these winners or a fake number, and he ends up texting you, do not answer. It doesn’t always end there, though. Sometimes, he’ll think you forgot to answer him and add you on Facebook. Do not accept. Avoidance at all costs, at all costs.
I’m not allowed to talk to boys – This one is more for your younger sister or niece or cousin or close neighbor or small girl being harassed by the weird guy on MSN –alright, Facebook; your generation will never know the joys of MSN! This line doesn’t so much work for twenty-somethings, but as a thirteen year old being bugged by that kid for my number and to hang out, it was gold. Although, he later went on to kind of cyber stalk me whenever he happened to see me out and about in the town, but that’s beside the point. I’m sure it would work for most people who don’t live a sitcom everyday of their lives.
These are my top five crafty turn down techniques that will leave you looking like the awesome person he thinks you are –you are –and will leave him with no clue at all that he was just slyly rejected until you are long gone. So be crafty, my friends, and have a little fun with rejection.
No comments:
Post a Comment