I am
going back to school this year – please, hold your applause, I’ve already
changed career directions – and as the summer ends and the new semester starts,
I can’t help but think about my current, and most common, social situation. I
make an excellent hermit, but a shitty social butterfly. Sometimes I just want
to sit on the couch in my PJs and binge watch Rookie Blue, and by sometimes, I
mean everyday. It’s not hard to fall into this kind of a social slump when all
of your friends are settling into domestic bliss; when there’s no one left to
go bar hopping with, you have to stay in, right?
The
real question is: do you keep being social, meeting new people, new guys, in
the hopes that you can find someone to sit on the couch with and binge watch
TV? Because that just kind of seems like backwards thinking; socialize to reach
your end goal of mutual hermitism. (That’s something I just made up entirely,
as hermitism isn’t even a real word, but I feel like I can provide enough
evidence to make it legit.) I realized that my particular hermitism – this is
becoming a thing, just watch – had reached critical levels when my mother
forced me to go to a frosh week party to “meet people” and “make some friends”.
Now don’t misunderstand that; I have plenty of friends, and by plenty I mean a
handful. But my social awkwardness has reached an almost deadly state that my
mom feels the need to push me into social situations I’m not comfortable with.
To clarify, the social situations I’m not comfortable with are any situations
involving myself and any number of people I don’t know when I don’t have the
comfort of my job in the way. And I know what you’re thinking, that sounds like every social situation; and
you would be right. That’s how good of a hermit I am.
Now
that we’ve cleared up my hermit skills and lack of social skills, we can get
back to the real question: is it worth it to subject yourself to social
situations in the hopes of meeting a fellow hermit whose mother sent them out
to meet friends? On second thought, two of those people in one friendship or
relationship sounds like a nightmare; if you’re anything like me, try to find
someone with even an ounce of people skills so you two don’t become serial
killers together. I know that seems extreme, but with all the crime shows I
watch, I’m fairly certain that’s how serial killer friendships are made. I
wouldn’t risk it if I were you. I digress.
Yes,
maybe, perhaps, every now and then it is worth it to meet people out of your
circle and comfort zone so you have some normal friends. Although, who am I to
give advice when most of my friends are coworkers (all of my friends) and most
of my dates are customers I hit on; I’m not a creep, they love it. But speaking
from experience, you rarely meet cute guys laying in bed or sitting on the
couch, and if you do, call the police because they’re strangers and shouldn’t
be there. You also don’t make friends in pajamas and sweat pants, the hermit’s
uniform. If your plan is to live alone with bunches of cats – no judgment, that
sounds lovely – use this post as a hermit reference guide, and feel free to
post your questions, as I’m quite an expert (also, see every other post with
the word ‘cat’ in it, as they are all helpful how-to’s on becoming a lonely
hermit, just read between the lines). But if that doesn’t happen to be your
plan, which is probably the better choice of the two, so good job, then I would
highly suggest hanging up your hermit clothes once every week or two, put on
some jeans and go somewhere with lots of people, i.e. a bar, a party, the
train, school, the street, the dog park (dog people will never die alone, not
like cat people), or anywhere else you see a gathering of people. Just make
sure it’s not a gang or cult, because those are not the people you want to
associate with. And if those are the only gatherings you know of, put your
sweats back on and immediately revert back to hermitism because you’ve already
made too many poor choices.
No comments:
Post a Comment